I never think of my life as something that anyone would envy. I seem to be the one who is envious. I would scan Instagram and see Americans who have made the move to other countries and thought to myself, “I want to do that!”

I have always dreamed of visiting Greece. After a year of planning, I finally made it there.

I had a vision of how being on a Grecian island would look and feel. While I came close to realizing it, the reality and ideology didn't actually coincide.

Nine years ago, I went through a divorce. I didn’t ask for it, nor did I want it. This was not what I had expected to happen. Once married, I believed I was supposed to stay married. I had bought into the whole “happily ever after” myth, desiring a life akin to a Hallmark movie. When that didn't materialize, I was at a loss as to who I was and what to do with myself. I needed to reinvent myself.

The anticipation of letting go of the old year and bringing in the new year brings up a mix of emotions and thoughts. I've always felt this pressure to make resolutions, but at the same time, I don't want to commit to something I know I won't keep. It’s a conundrum that I have found hard to resolve.

The winter season is coming upon us and I can feel myself going into my familiar patterns of hibernation. I don’t like the colder weather and the shorter days - they signal what I know is to come - seasonal depression. My seasonal depression layers onto my chronic depression like a weighted blanket and it is kicking my butt.

For the longest time, the idea of being in front of a camera filled me with dread. My relationship with photographs had soured over the years, tainted by insecurities tied to the size of my body. The lens seemed to magnify my self-perceived flaws, making each snapshot a painful reminder of my struggles with self-acceptance and self-love. I wanted to prove to myself that I was beautiful.

I am still in awe that I spent six life altering days in Costa Rica! It was a trip worth waiting for. Visiting Costa Rica had always been on my bucket list and when Bri first brought up going to Costa Rica I was totally and wholeheartedly in! This was a trip for people who lived in larger bodies, which was something that I thought would never be possible. What would it look like? Can we actually take over a resort and make it ours?