Transformation
For the longest time, the idea of being in front of a camera filled me with dread. My relationship with photographs had soured over the years, tainted by insecurities tied to the size of my body. The lens seemed to magnify my self-perceived flaws, making each snapshot a painful reminder of my struggles with self-acceptance and self-love. I wanted to prove to myself that I was beautiful.
I signed up for the Personal Brand Accelerator (PBA) course, a journey that not only promised personal growth but was a catalyst to confront my deep-seated aversion to being photographed. PBA is all about what you make of it. This was my course; my decision to challenge myself. PBA provided a vehicle of encouragement and support while I did the hard work. One of the course assignments that loomed like a giant hurdle was the feared photo shoot. The mere thought of it stirred up a mix of anxiety and resistance within me.
During my interview for PBA, I mustered the courage to voice my concern: "Do I have to do a photo shoot?" The fear of not appearing beautiful enough, the worry of looking tense and nervous—these were the anxieties that had kept me camera-shy for far too long. Little did I know that this seemingly daunting task would turn out to be one of the most affirming and empowering experiences of my life.
Choosing the right photographer became paramount, a decision that could either intensify my apprehension or alleviate it. Serendipitously, I found the perfect photographer, someone who not only understood my reservations but also shared a vision aligned with my journey of self-discovery.
From our very first conversation, it was evident that we were on the same page. Jax was absolutely the perfect photographer for me. She listened, empathized, and reassured me that this would be a collaborative effort, a celebration of my authenticity rather than a forced portrayal of conventional beauty standards. She immediately put me at ease.
“Beauty is about enhancing what you have. Let yourself shine through.”
I picked out three different outfits for my photo shoot based on my brand colors. I always knew I wanted hot pink and green. The brighter, the better. I found a beautiful hot pink top and green pants for one of my outfits. I also found a white dress that I thought would work and the last outfit was a pair of jeans with a white top and orange jacket. I was all about color and comfort.
The whole idea of dressing up and putting on make-up was daunting. I hadn’t worn makeup in over twenty years. I couldn’t be bothered, I told myself. However, it was so much more than that. It brought me back to when I was growing up and I was expected to dress up and be perfect for any fancy event. I hated having to dress up because I always felt like I was not good enough.
The day of the photo shoot arrived, and as I stepped into the studio, a mixture of nerves and anticipation coursed through me. However, the atmosphere created by Jax was nothing short of magical. There was a genuine warmth and understanding that permeated the studio space, instantly putting me at ease. From the moment I stepped into Jax’s studio to the moment I left, I felt nothing but joy and empowerment. I loved that Jax encouraged me to do the photo shoot barefoot.
Jax had picked out a make-up artist, Jackie, who understood what I wanted and created an enhanced version of myself. As Jackie was working on my face, Jax asked me what my story was and why I wanted to do a photo shoot. I told my story and revealed that part of reclaiming myself was wearing makeup. I had this belief that if I wore makeup that I was wearing a mask. That it wasn’t really me that people were attracted to - it was the mask that I wore that attracted them. What came out of this conversation and having someone put makeup on my face was the bursting of this myth of the mask.
What unfolded during the session was not just a series of photographs; it was a visual narrative of my journey towards self-love. Jax skillfully captured moments that transcended the surface, delving into the essence of who I am. Each click of the camera felt like a step towards reclaiming my narrative, a defiance against the self-imposed limitations that had held me captive for far too long. Not once during the photo shoot did I think of the size of my body. I was having too much fun.
Surprisingly, the images revealed a version of myself I had rarely acknowledged—a person radiating confidence, embracing vulnerability, and, above all, exuding beauty in authenticity. The tension and nervousness I had anticipated were replaced by a genuine joy that emanated from within. These images revealed my joy at reclaiming myself.
This photo shoot became more than just a task on a checklist; it became a declaration of self-love and acceptance. It marked the moment I ceased to be a reluctant subject and transformed into an active participant, shaping and owning my narrative. The lens, once perceived as a harsh critic, became a tool for empowerment, a medium through which I could convey the strength and resilience that had always been within me.
In the end, what I had feared as an arduous task turned out to be a liberating experience—an affirmation that beauty, in all its forms, starts from within. This photo shoot wasn't just about capturing moments; it was about capturing the essence of a woman who had finally learned to celebrate herself, flaws and all.
Martha Treder
Soul-Searcher | Activist
I have always valued community and cultivating connections. I’ve been reflecting on my next steps and part of that is sharing my thoughts and journey. It’s not just about my story; it’s about creating a community where we can all connect, support each other, and grow together.